4 ways my anxiety manifested during the Covid-19 Stay at Home mandate

First of all, I do not want and have not wanted to write a blog post. I have thought about it many times, seen others updating their blogs and thought, “not today.” So here’s one because I’m 2 glasses of wine in and have taken a step back mentally from the current state of the world and my life within it.

  1. I am envisioning a freezer full of easy to make batch cooked meals ready to go for the days I’m feeling bad and don’t want to cook. Because those days are still happening, for myself and my partner. I’m currently looking at frozen storage methods for my favorite foods. I know chili, gumbo and broccoli soup freeze. But will mashed potatoes be good a month from now when I unwrap the aluminum container and put it in the oven?
  2. I have started and then stalled many projects. I was trying to get my garden going. We have hydroponic and container planters for food. So far I have only successfully sprouted radishes. On another note, our spare bedroom has been converted to a craft space, but there are piles of “to be sorted” items that were thrown out of the guest room “to be sorted” later. I don’t know the moral implications of donating things right now other than food and cleaning supplies. So I have a large pile just waiting.
  3. Even though I took a deep break from blogging, I have started my tiktok career. My username JanaKingOnline. They aren’t good videos. For the first couple of days I was just posting anything. Then I went through a phase where I tried those lip sync videos where you do something while using the audio from another person’s video or a song or something. My videos are worse than my understanding of it. My niece (13) and nephew (11) quickly found me on the site. They are both pretty good at it, considering they are the target market. Anyway, I enjoy it for what it is: a distraction.
  4. I drink wine and paint 2-3 watercolor pictures a night. Or I bake some sort of dough-based food that I usually feed to my partner while they are playing DnD (online) in the new craft room. I read at least 40 pages a day. I keep busy. I post to Instagram each day on my rinsta, my finsta and my work’s account (static posts and stories). I try to stretch each night, too. And when I feel like I’m not myself anymore or I get off track, I light a candle and take a bath. I try not to take a bath or a nap each day. Some things must be reserved “as a treat.”

I have my good days and my bad days. I try to be open and honest about them as they are happening, to make it easier. It is easier, logistically, to be depressed now. Contactless deliveries and pickups make it easier to isolate. I can’t make plans that can’t be cancelled. Designating any given Tuesday as a “day-drinking day” doesn’t have the same consequences. Sleeping late, napping in the middle of the day, going to bed early – any manner/quantity of slumber is an acceptable activity. Anything is an acceptable activity, as long as it doesn’t involve getting within 6 feet of another person.

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